I was doing a little spring cleaning (yes, I know it’s June), and I found something I wrote back in 2016, when I was just 3 years postpartum after our youngest was born.
“Why? Because I can. Because I was only weak and not broken. Because I have more to learn about me that I still haven’t figured out yet. And because there’s something to be said about looking at fear and giving it the finger.”
This was me writing about all of the issues I was having.
You know the greatest hits of postpartum issues.
I had literally gotten to the point where I was tracking every input I could think of because it seemed like there was no rhyme or reason to my symptoms.
Put yourself in my shoes for a minute. I had been practicing physical therapy for almost 20 years at this point and I couldn’t fix myself.
I was using all of the tools and techniques I had learned (and been using with other moms!) and it just didn’t work for me.
This is the stuff of nightmares, folks.
I think this is where I can connect with so many other moms.
You just want to say a big F&^K YOU to your symptoms. You just want to run without peeing your pants. You just want to lift something heavy without feeling like your uterus is going to fall out. You just want to live your life.
I’m so glad I found this old writing. It reminds me of how it felt to be so.damn.tired of analyzing every decision because you’re afraid of how it will impact your symptoms.
If you are sitting there and you can relate to this feeling, let me know. I want you to know you’re not alone and there is a way forward. I get this in my bones. I know what it feels like to want nothing more than to run across the playground with your kids but you don’t because you’re worried you might pee your pants. You just want to be a mom.
Share your story with me! I’m happy to give you any advice or point you in the right direction to get the help you need.