“You make me glad I didn’t have kids” | CHOOSING WORDS CAREFULLY AS PROVIDERS

Let me tell you about a mom I saw this week:

A first time postpartum mom had seen another provider. She was experiencing pelvic floor heaviness and needed to return to a physical job. Her diagnosis, which sounded correct, was overactive pelvic floor with prolapse symptoms. 

She told me as she was ending the session with the other provider, the provider said something that absolutely shocked me…

“It’s clients like you that make me glad I decided not to have kids.”

Um, WHAT???

NO ONE WANTS TO F*%@ING HEAR THAT!!! 

It’s really disappointing because we are fighting so hard to get the right diagnosis and the access to care. And we have to deal with things like this!

You absolutely do not need a provider heaping these words on top of your growing mountain concerns. 

Even in my pre-child naiveté, I’m sure I said some uninformed things, but I NEVER said something like that!

As providers, we’re supposed to listen to our patients and validate their experiences, NOT center it around ourselves. 

We’re doing better with getting providers to get past the basics (a kegel isn’t the answer to everything), but surely we can still do better with the words we choose!

And ya know, it may not be the worst idea to find a provider who has experienced what you’ve experienced, in some way. 

Tell me what you think. If you’re a mom , I want to hear about your experiences. And if you’re a provider, what are your tips to meet moms where they are?